It's a boy!

Orem, UT, Oct 18 (AP)- In a stunning victory over average-sized people everyhere, a giant baby was born to "Texas" Glen Wagley this afternoon at St. Mungo's Hospital for Giant Babies in Orem, Utah. Early reports indicate that mother and son are doing fine, with the baby weighing in at a hefty 9 pounds, 480 ounces. Additional, unconfirmed reports allege that the baby will be named, "Eldon Sleestak Wagley."

Glen Wagley, alternately known by his friends as "Tex Mex," "6XL," "Sir Eats a Lot," and "Tons of Fun" stated happily, "This ties the four happiest days of my life--the day I was married, the two days my two other children were born, and the day I downed a family-sized, cake-filled, bacon-wrapped McHeartAttack in under 10 minutes, while simultaneously washing it down with a two-liter of Pepsi. I got me a t-shirt for that last one."

A doctor on the scene who refused to be identified asserted, "Even though Mr. Wagley is not extremely tall, it is clear from our genetic testing that he carries the gigantism gene responsible for the baby's size."



(Above: Time to feed the giant baby. Below: Giant baby rests with mother.)

Sean Heaton, longtime friend of Glen Wagley, remarked, "I offer my congratulations to Glen and Tara. The birth of this baby is cause for great celebration. No longer will the skinny and fast dominate us big people. Anything that makes you 'smaller'--so-to-speak--will go out of vogue. Jogging will be seen as stupid and foolish, diet and exercise for the gullible. Worker health programs will go unfunded. The much-heralded birth of this baby signals a tipping-point in the scales of the universe. Literally."

Mother and baby are expected to return home later this week, after which time the baby will begin his career as a defensive lineman for the Dallas Cowboys.