The following took place on or around Christmas Eve 2010 at approximately 8:30 PM:
Dad (stands up): Well, I'm going to go to [Crime Town] to get ice cream at the [local ice cream concern].
Mom: El-Heato, you'd better go with your Dad to make sure he's safe.
Me: Okay... But I have to ask... If it starts going down... I mean, let's say it gets really bad out there... If it really hits the fan... And it becomes pretty clear, pretty fast that only one of us is coming back to you, who do you want it to be? Because I'll make sure that it happens. It's your choice.
Mom (looks at Dad, looks at me, pauses and thinks only for a split second and says decisively): Neither.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Outrage
The following took place on President's Day during the times noted:
[11:41] sean_heaton: So aside from plagarizing you, I just entered a post that seemed funny to me, but now when I read it, it seems dumb.
(Two minutes pass...)
[11:43] sean_heaton: Your silence confirms to me that it is dumb.
[11:43] brookheat: i haven't looked yet
[11:43] sean_heaton: Don't you have President's Day off? What is going on here?
[11:43] brookheat: no.
[11:43] brookheat: my next holiday is memorial day
[11:44] sean_heaton: Don't you work for the Federales? Doesn't that imply that you get so-called "federal" holidays off?
[11:45] brookheat: nah, i'm a pseudo federalist
[11:45] brookheat: so I only get some of them.
[11:45] sean_heaton: That is absurd. I demand that you take today off in memory of the presidents who gave their lives for this country.
[11:46] brookheat: see, this is the type of stuff you should be posting
[11:41] sean_heaton: So aside from plagarizing you, I just entered a post that seemed funny to me, but now when I read it, it seems dumb.
(Two minutes pass...)
[11:43] sean_heaton: Your silence confirms to me that it is dumb.
[11:43] brookheat: i haven't looked yet
[11:43] sean_heaton: Don't you have President's Day off? What is going on here?
[11:43] brookheat: no.
[11:43] brookheat: my next holiday is memorial day
[11:44] sean_heaton: Don't you work for the Federales? Doesn't that imply that you get so-called "federal" holidays off?
[11:45] brookheat: nah, i'm a pseudo federalist
[11:45] brookheat: so I only get some of them.
[11:45] sean_heaton: That is absurd. I demand that you take today off in memory of the presidents who gave their lives for this country.
[11:46] brookheat: see, this is the type of stuff you should be posting
Feb 10, 2011
The following took place on my cell phone between 5:40 and 5:45 PM:
Abed, aka. El Terroristo: Steak Tonight?
Me: Saw The Toucan today, so probably not. Keep me posted. (Ed: Seeing The Toucan is a reference to eating at Tucanos, popularly known as "The Crazy Meat Place." It is all you can eat, and yes, it is delicious.)
Abed: Why do you hate me so much?
Me: I don't. I only hate the things you do.
Abed: Haha, I'll keep you posted.
Abed, aka. El Terroristo: Steak Tonight?
Me: Saw The Toucan today, so probably not. Keep me posted. (Ed: Seeing The Toucan is a reference to eating at Tucanos, popularly known as "The Crazy Meat Place." It is all you can eat, and yes, it is delicious.)
Abed: Why do you hate me so much?
Me: I don't. I only hate the things you do.
Abed: Haha, I'll keep you posted.
Heaton Social Network Empire Expands
From http://heatons.blogspot.com/2011/02/heaton-social-network-empire-expands.html:
(Press Release)
(AP) Feb 21- After a generous infusion of financing from a well known venture capital firm ($20 of lucky money from Mom on Chinese New Year), the creators of the ultra-trendy blog "heatons.blogspot.com" are proud to introduce a new and exciting endeavor in social networking, entitled "heaton.blogspot.com".
In making the announcement, Brook Heaton, Chairman and CEO of heatons.blogspot.com, stated: "We feel like this is a great opportunity to expand our content into other niche areas. Since 99.9% of the Internet is total crap, we'd like a piece of that pie. Instead of reading the mindless drivel commonly found on other blogs and websites, you will be able to get that [and less] here."
Mr. Heaton stated that Sean Heaton would be named Acting Chairman and CEO of the new site, and that Sean would be blamed for screwing it up, irregardless of who was at fault or whether there were actually any problems. The "Acting" title would be changed to "Permanent" if Sean reached certain performance goals and incentives, such as minutes played and touchdown dances.
Said Sean Heaton: "I eagerly look forward to use my new powers to refute the lies and innuendo perpetrated by heatons.blogpost.com. While I can't comment any further per the judge's gag order and on the advice of my legal team, I can confidently state that heaton.blogpost.com will catch up to, and ultimately surpass its sad predecessor. My first order of business will be to disband Parliament."
The new site will go live whenever Sean Heaton gets around to posting something.
(Press Release)
(AP) Feb 21- After a generous infusion of financing from a well known venture capital firm ($20 of lucky money from Mom on Chinese New Year), the creators of the ultra-trendy blog "heatons.blogspot.com" are proud to introduce a new and exciting endeavor in social networking, entitled "heaton.blogspot.com".
In making the announcement, Brook Heaton, Chairman and CEO of heatons.blogspot.com, stated: "We feel like this is a great opportunity to expand our content into other niche areas. Since 99.9% of the Internet is total crap, we'd like a piece of that pie. Instead of reading the mindless drivel commonly found on other blogs and websites, you will be able to get that [and less] here."
Mr. Heaton stated that Sean Heaton would be named Acting Chairman and CEO of the new site, and that Sean would be blamed for screwing it up, irregardless of who was at fault or whether there were actually any problems. The "Acting" title would be changed to "Permanent" if Sean reached certain performance goals and incentives, such as minutes played and touchdown dances.
Said Sean Heaton: "I eagerly look forward to use my new powers to refute the lies and innuendo perpetrated by heatons.blogpost.com. While I can't comment any further per the judge's gag order and on the advice of my legal team, I can confidently state that heaton.blogpost.com will catch up to, and ultimately surpass its sad predecessor. My first order of business will be to disband Parliament."
The new site will go live whenever Sean Heaton gets around to posting something.
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