It's All Academic...

ORLANDO, FL, Jun 22 (AP)- On a long-awaited day of academic achievement, heaton.blogspot.com creator and former CEO, W. Brook Heaton, was awarded his Doctorate in Information Systems from St. Brutus' Secure Centre for Incurably Criminal Boys. Stated Heaton, "Oh yeah... I received loads of beatings during my academic tenure there." When asked more specifically about his degree and what it means, Heaton remarked, "By receiving this degree--and the title of 'Doctor' that goes with it--I join the ranks of such greats as Dr. Leonard H. McCoy and professional wrestler Dr. Death Steve Williams. This is an historic moment."

On hearing of his brother's accomplishment, Sean Heaton, current CEO of heaton.blogspot.com noted, "Although I offer my congratulations to my predecessor here, I hope that this will not overshadow my own academic achievements. What most people don't realize is how easy it is to get a masters degree or doctorate. If you stop to consider the bigger picture, 100% of my siblings have a master's degrees or better. Two have Ph.D.'s. When you look at the facts, my lack of any sort of college degree is much harder to achieve, statistically speaking. How many of my siblings can honestly say they had a semester in college with a 0.67 GPA? How many have been on academic probation or academic suspension? We need to focus on what matters."

When W. R. Heaton was asked to comment on the obvious tension between his sons, he replied, "Look... I have a Ph.D. Three out of four of my children have advanced degrees and are productive members of society. If I were a baseball player, I'd have to take a lot of steroids to hit .750 and I'd get millions of dollars in return. Instead, all of you vultures in the press focus on the negative. I am confident that history's judgement will be on my side. On the advice of counsel, I have no further comment."

More on this news item as it develops...